07 / Conquering Viking Roads and Mountains
Current Location: Lovatnet, Norway
Crash.
Hmmm… that didn’t sound good.
We’re five days into our six week vanlife adventures around Norway, and I’ve taken out the passenger side mirror. It looks like a Great White’s had lunch. To be fair, it was bucketing with rain, and there’s no lines on the small cliff-hugging B-roads that cling to the sides of fjords. But yes, it was 100% my fault. The travel insurance excess will be full-tilted.
Vanlife-ing is firmly embedded in Norwegian culture. We’re every second vehicle on the road and we are well looked after. Those funny couples in floating lounges zipping by… that’s us. Unlike most countries where camper parking spots tend to be out the back of the airport, in Norway sites will be A reserve on the edge of a lake, in the centre of a small village or topping a mountain pass – and often they’re free – as long as you don’t annoy the locals.
Fast forward two weeks. I’m accident free and this wrong side of the road, driving a small house on wheels thing is feeling more normal. We’ve hiked a few mountains, seen some spectacular vistas, fjords and pristine lakes, slipped on summer snow, endured a tonne of rain, and welcomed some truly beautiful blue skies, infinite green meadows and sunshine. Norway is serving up the big loves.
I’m not sure how this country keeps upping its nature game. I’m developing proper ‘wow’ jaw fatigue. Every transit brings with it an ecosystem reset. One minute it’s cliffs plunging a 1,000m to the fjord below, next a mountain pass with orca-like patches of white snow set against soaring black granite mountains, then we’re winding through a vast pine-carpeted valley dotted with pocket-sized chalets. Just extraordinary.
This Nordic chapter is magical. Right now it feels like we should keep on going, exploring forever, all we need is a boxing kangaroo sticker for the rear window and Bitcoin to skyrocket. But maybe plans would change as the bone-chilling darkness of winter advances.
And now, a few adventure stories.
Kjerag | Hike – A Boulder Suspended 1,000m in the Air
Rain, rain, rain.
Break in rain.
Let’s go.
This was our first proper ‘hike’ hike. We’d seen the ‘hard’ rating on the All Trails App, but surely it couldn’t be that challenging, we’re from ‘Straya mate.
We had no idea what lay ahead.
The first thirty minutes were spent pulling ourselves up a steep rocky mountain incline with chain ropes. We were in the clouds and the rain tap was gushing. A few passing hikers on their final descent looked properly smashed.
As we continued the ascent the skies miraculously cleared. Someone was looking after us. Rays of soul-warming sunshine filled the fjord below with a deep turquoise, the surrounding cliffs with fifty shades of granite grey. There were four consecutive up/downs before we reached the final rocky plateau. Another hour and we hit target – a 5m boulder suspended in air, sandwiched between two 1,000m, straight-drop cliff faces.
If you search ‘Kjerag’ you’ll see endless photos of people standing on top of this boulder, even an couple in full wedding regalia. It’s nuts… to get there, you edge past a 50cm wide rock walkway, holding onto a single metal ring, then crawl onto the boulder top without looking down.
People, there’s a thing called gravity. This rock is not meant to be here.
It’s wonderful to reach a point in life where you’re happy to say ‘Nup… no f’ing way do I need this photo.’
The good karma quickly disappeared as we began the three hour return hike. Sky-swallowing clouds closed in. Mist, sleet and rain came to the party. How the brain manages to coordinate breathing, feet position, balance and ‘There’s a brown girl in the ring’ going around on repeat in my head, for this long, blows my mind – but we made it, saturated to the core, back to our little van.
‘Hard hike rating’ done. What a rush. Norway gets its first big ❤️.
Molden | Hike – Destination 360º Fjord Vistas
We began our 650m ascent through a spring-tipped pine forest, alive with the scent of Scandinavia. A carpet of velvety mosses, dried pinecones and needles padded underfoot as the path zig-zagged upwards.
A set change. Rocky slopes dotted with young birch trees, crystal fresh streams, carpets of blooming lithophytes and rocky pathways under foot as the conquest continued.
When hiking in Australia, an orchestra of cicadas, kookaburras, magpies, cockatoos, frogs, owls, and the rest of the rowdy players dominate the soundscape. Here, it’s quiet. A stillness. Like everyone’s hiding.
We reached a weathered wooden hut with rusty corrugated iron roofing and gaping timber work. Like something out of a children’s book… waiting for the Goblins to leap out. A few dozen selfies later… we continued on.
This was one of those false finish ascents. Just when you think ‘Thank God, I’ve made it’, another 100m appears above. Finally, I spotted a couple of stick figures above taking star jump piccies. The trophy was in sight.
We reached the peak. A jaw-clenching ‘wow’ moment. A distant cruise ship filled with 100s of buffet lovers looks like a bath toy. We’re surrounded by snow-capped peaks, rolling green ski slopes and snaking fjords. The hills were alive… a proper Julie Andrews’ moment. A celebratory cheese and crackers never tasted so good.
A Few Shared Moments
Best eats:
Gudbrandsdalsost: A brown, fudgy, sweet caramel-coloured goat and cow blend cheese packaged like a slab of butter. The locals devour it as waffle topping with a squeeze of tube jam. Not ok, but it’s so moorish.
Best ‘worth the effort’ moment:
Pushing ourselves to ‘first hike’ in McCrappy weather.
Flat point:
The shark bite.
Cultural observation:
Norwegians don’t like to bother people. Smiling at strangers isn’t their thing. My initial take on this was ‘not friendly’, but having spent quality time with a Stavanger local and friend of Adriano’s, we were lucky enough to experience warm and welcoming Norwegian hospitality. Thank you Åse for a magical weekend in your postcard-able mountain cottage!
And… onwards! 💚
Excellent! Way to go Josh. Thank you for sharing